December 6, 2019

Stuck with my habits or lack thereof.

Welcome back! Today’s post will be a touchy one and rather difficult for me to write, but here it goes… All my life I’ve been a very active person. I started gymnastics when I was 4 years old, followed by sailing and basketball, and many other short term sports ventures. I have very active parents who taught me and my sister every sport they love to do. As you can imagine, I had a very tight sports schedule and therefore was never in danger of becoming overweight. Especially since my parents also like to eat quite healthy food.

Surprisingly though, I was never happy with my body. I didn’t feel fat or ashamed to go out in shorts… but I never felt like, hell yeah, I look good. I would like to go back in time and shake myself for it because as I stopped doing professional sports, the effects of my unhealthy eating habits have started to kick in. And just to clarify, my parents always cooked healthy food, but as I started living on my own, my addiction to sweets and the inability to cook a big variety of meals have turned into a life dictated by unhealthy habits.

I’ve gotten lazy with food and have had no motivation to train. I mean, why would I think that I could ever get fat if so far, with the same habits, it never happened?! And then it started, slowly but steadily my weight has gone up with me having quite many “oh my god, this can’t be happening, I need to pull myself together” moments. And for a few weeks or more like days, I would feel this need to change my habits. But then it just somehow dials down and I carry on like before. I act on my cravings and feelings without control, without a longer goal in mind. I have felt ashamed of it for so long and never wanted to speak up because I’m an Olympian, I should be perfect in all this. And I wish I was, but somehow I’m just not.

Well, not to whip myself too hard, I’ve been through some very difficult mental challenges in the last few years and I’m finally feeling like there’s a possibility to get past them. Which also means that it’s about time to finally pull myself together. And as cliché, as it sounds, I also really need to get in shape for my wedding next summer. So this is the introduction to the change that simply has to happen. And hereby I make a promise to myself – I will not wait for the 1st of January to start.

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