Unexpectedly happy and proud

Sometimes things just don’t go the way you plan and expect. The same was with my Europeans this year… As I last wrote here, I spent quite some time in the Barcelona Hospital emergency room right before the regatta (read here). It was hard to be there, and not only because of the reasons I explained in my previous post, but because this is not how I imagined or planned to spend the last days before racing. I was supposed to go on the water, check the racing area, get my equipment ready and most of all have my body and mind ready for the battle. And I couldn’t do any of that. I got home the evening before racing and was still in pain, starving and completely exhausted. To be honest, we even checked flights back home or to Poland to get to some good doctors. Racing just seemed impossible. The morning of the first racing day Piotr showed me a flight to Warsaw for 75€, asking if I want to take it. But I wasn’t ready for that decision yet. My body was telling me I can’t race, but my heart couldn’t let me give up. So I stayed in Barcelona and I’m glad I did.

I struggled a lot throughout the regatta. I was constantly on pain killers, but that didn’t keep my stomach from reminding me of it’s problems. I was also all the time really really tired. Regardless, I tried. I tried my best in that situation. And I won. No, not the regatta, but in my eyes I won. I went racing and kept fighting in a condition that made racing incredibly hard. We also had very difficult sailing conditions this regatta. The waves were huge even with the almost non-existing wind and that’s something we never get in Estonia. So in the weather conditions I wasn’t used to and with a body that kept screaming to be kept relaxing in bed, I did my best. The result doesn’t matter, not this time. This time I didn’t just reach the edge of my shadow as was my goal at the Worlds, this time I jumped over it and I’m damn proud!

I’d like to thank Zaklina and the Latvian girls for helping me out on the water. It’s amazing to have people from foreign countries that are willing to do so much for their friends and fellow competitors. And finally, none of this would have been possible without my amazing boyfriend who helped me with everything. He helped me with the logistics and when I got my stomach problems, he did everything for me. He helped me get my boat ready and measured, took me to the hospital, stayed there with me the whole time, fought for me to get out of there, prepared food, made sure I took all the meds, sailed my boat back ashore when I was in pain… the list goes on. So Kochanie, if you’re reading this – Thank you! I just wanted everyone to know that I couldn’t have survived there without you, you’re incredible!

And now I’m back home, enjoying the cold Estonia and arranging doctors’ appointments. Can’t wait to get some answers about my stomach pain and then get rid of it so I can start the physical trainings already. No long holidays this time, it’s time to get back to work! New season is starting soon!


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